Friday, April 5, 2013

Maui # 25

The SSNSE Virus Hits Maui :0(

Nearly Got rear ended by an “SSNSE” driver yesterday...please pass this alert on!!!!!

Stops signs on Maui are an optional extra like turn signals in Florida. Come to think of it in Oregon red lights just mean slow down and amber speed up.

Many locals here , I don’t mean just Hawaiians but many other up right walking primates have been infected with a local virus called “ Stop Sign No Seen Em” Syndrome...

The food and drug administration have issued public alerts along with the mental health Department. The mental Health Department have issued a new public mandate that is being enforced by the TSA Free medical check division upon your arrival in Maui, lets just say sitting will be uneasy for a while if your are a suspected health risk.
So I have decided to write the Re-hab manual for those going through “ SSNSE “ with drawls :0(

Now for those of you that have never seen or taken the time out of your driving experience to find that odd looking pedal next to the long nine inch oblong pedal thingy that makes your Monster RV , Vanity Fair, One Person Occupied ,Gas Credit Card Guzzler ,Bank Owned ,Personal Debt Life Sucking Vehicle. ..Go !!!!...Its called the Brake Pedal!!!!! Hello !!

Moving you drive down the road with that I hope everyone notices how important I,m look on your Ray Ban sunglass covered blood shot eyes , stop and reflect on the artistic beauty of that brightly painted Red and White Sign that is mounted on top of a 9 foot pole at the intersection of Crash and Ticket street to your right.
Notice its position and how it stands out from nature. This next step is crucial Listen up Mac fly Please pay strict attention... I know this is very hard to do and beyond most SUV drivers ability and comprehension..Read the letters...Remember hooked on Phonics?...sound it repeat after me...STOP...Stop...STOP.....stop....STOP!!!!!.

Now if you miss it the first time,don’t worry, we have a guy in a car with Brightly lit red and white Lights that will help you find your brake pedal for a heart stopping Fee. Don`t worry most primates in recovery that fail at the first attempt always pass on the second attempt, unless they are repeat offenders ,most of them are probation from California.

Ok, That was the easy part, hope you get this next part. Attached to the bottom part of your torso are two long thingys, Doctors inform us that they are a vital part our anatomy. The english term for these as they come in pairs, no not the middle thingy, thats how you got here, no the other two longer things..for the purpose of this exercise we will call them legs.
Unless you drive a stick shift you will never use the left leg.

Today we are going to focus this Re-hab session on the right leg. You will notice as you maneuver it back and forth freely that it can easily reach both the Go pedal and the stop pedal. Other wise now as the BRAKE PEDAL.
Now please touch the go Pedal with your right foot attached to the end of your right repeat the exercise 3 times.
Ok, now do the same exercise only this time depress the brake pedal 5 times and saying the word Stop at the same time...Thank you .

Now that was not hard....please Pay The good looking Agentina Named Cynthia sitting at the front Desk on the way out...Oh No Checks or credit cards cash only


Your Assended Master
Mick- The-Brake- Man :0)