Monday, April 8, 2013

Maui # 26

If There was ever a day that I felt like throwing in the towel and flying back home to Cynthia it sure is today.

Beginning of week # 9 Got up this morning with zero desire to get up, but I did, dragged my butt to the motorcycle hit the starter and sped of to Akina Aloha tours and drove school bus. Got back went to the bank and cashed my first pay check on Maui :0)

Truth be told everyone has been really nice to me here ,the aloha spirit is alive and well!!!!
ok said that too soon some one just dropped a large coffee and it splashed my computer Hahaha...first coffee flood on maui.

Moving on, thats all I can do do is to keep moving forward. Had a long talk with Cynthia a while ago and she shared how when she moved to Spain she was tempted to go home when things got hard , you know the familiar routine that all of us become accustomed to at home.
And If some misguided Dumkaufff says
“Trust God”
I will smack them ,ok Mac fly :0) ….just venting here..I know what I have to do. just very hard right think Jesus would have jumped for joy when he was on the cross and Dumkuff showed up and said


.....can just imagine his reply..I know I,m not on a cross ...Yet :0(

I have moved to many countries,states and so on, but this time it just seems harder.
Maybe is it because I,m over 50 and a grumpy old fart.
I have moved so many times, honestly I truly believe its because Cynthia truly does complete me and I don’t care where I live as long as we are together.
Ok I wont live in a sewer, under a rock or in A Yugo that car has enough bad luck it would get hit by the QE2 believe it could happen.

Wring this is helping me as I grasp for lines of humor to help me from sinking into the bottomless navel gazing Ocean of self pity.
Lets face it nobody loves a whiner or a downer.
I mean when you see one coming the crowd parts like the Red Sea to let the Dumkaff go.
Then he is followed by a huge round of applause as the Red Sea falls back on him because he complained all the way through stopping to scratch his sores and blame everyone else for his bloody miserable life and Moses looks back and says...whew that was close wont miss Dumkauff, 40 years of that Man! No way!!!

Just Talked with Cynthia again, once heard a song lyric that stated “you are fill up my senses!!! ...well she sure Does ...if I got it wrong you know what I mean hahaha.

Well I have to go the library and finish my taxes..even on paradise the sheriff of Nottingham wants his cut..if he can find me....
Thank you for reading and letting this leprechaun vent..hey I have to exhaust on some one Hhehehehe

Ok, Of to get some motivation...lets see most people swim with the Dolphins, wonder what the Tiger sharks are up to, aught to raise my heart rate !!!!

Love you all!!!



Friday, April 5, 2013

Maui # 25

The SSNSE Virus Hits Maui :0(

Nearly Got rear ended by an “SSNSE” driver yesterday...please pass this alert on!!!!!

Stops signs on Maui are an optional extra like turn signals in Florida. Come to think of it in Oregon red lights just mean slow down and amber speed up.

Many locals here , I don’t mean just Hawaiians but many other up right walking primates have been infected with a local virus called “ Stop Sign No Seen Em” Syndrome...

The food and drug administration have issued public alerts along with the mental health Department. The mental Health Department have issued a new public mandate that is being enforced by the TSA Free medical check division upon your arrival in Maui, lets just say sitting will be uneasy for a while if your are a suspected health risk.
So I have decided to write the Re-hab manual for those going through “ SSNSE “ with drawls :0(

Now for those of you that have never seen or taken the time out of your driving experience to find that odd looking pedal next to the long nine inch oblong pedal thingy that makes your Monster RV , Vanity Fair, One Person Occupied ,Gas Credit Card Guzzler ,Bank Owned ,Personal Debt Life Sucking Vehicle. ..Go !!!!...Its called the Brake Pedal!!!!! Hello !!

Moving you drive down the road with that I hope everyone notices how important I,m look on your Ray Ban sunglass covered blood shot eyes , stop and reflect on the artistic beauty of that brightly painted Red and White Sign that is mounted on top of a 9 foot pole at the intersection of Crash and Ticket street to your right.
Notice its position and how it stands out from nature. This next step is crucial Listen up Mac fly Please pay strict attention... I know this is very hard to do and beyond most SUV drivers ability and comprehension..Read the letters...Remember hooked on Phonics?...sound it repeat after me...STOP...Stop...STOP.....stop....STOP!!!!!.

Now if you miss it the first time,don’t worry, we have a guy in a car with Brightly lit red and white Lights that will help you find your brake pedal for a heart stopping Fee. Don`t worry most primates in recovery that fail at the first attempt always pass on the second attempt, unless they are repeat offenders ,most of them are probation from California.

Ok, That was the easy part, hope you get this next part. Attached to the bottom part of your torso are two long thingys, Doctors inform us that they are a vital part our anatomy. The english term for these as they come in pairs, no not the middle thingy, thats how you got here, no the other two longer things..for the purpose of this exercise we will call them legs.
Unless you drive a stick shift you will never use the left leg.

Today we are going to focus this Re-hab session on the right leg. You will notice as you maneuver it back and forth freely that it can easily reach both the Go pedal and the stop pedal. Other wise now as the BRAKE PEDAL.
Now please touch the go Pedal with your right foot attached to the end of your right repeat the exercise 3 times.
Ok, now do the same exercise only this time depress the brake pedal 5 times and saying the word Stop at the same time...Thank you .

Now that was not hard....please Pay The good looking Agentina Named Cynthia sitting at the front Desk on the way out...Oh No Checks or credit cards cash only


Your Assended Master
Mick- The-Brake- Man :0)

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Maui # 24

Today is tuesday april 2 2013 and I,m into week no 8 never thought it would go this long.

Man Its a long time since I stepped away from Cynthia`s last embrace outside the court house in NE portland.
No ,neither she nor I were in trouble just some work related issue she had to deal with.

When I look back at that day I wish I had run back and stolen a long deep Kiss makes me cry just thinking about it.
I have never been this deeply in love before. Yes, absence bloody well does make the heart grow bleeding fonder :).
I,m truly thankful to God for the gift of true love, it does make us do crazy things.

Now remember all this was Cynthia,s idea hahaha she was the one that called me from work to ask me when I was in

“Are you going this week or next week”

I Said “going where”

“ Maui of course”

Now guys tell me how many of you have ever had your wives suggest you buy a one ticket to Maui!
Ok if they cant stand your presence might suggest you take a trip to the wood shed for a special surprise visit with Bruno, but Maui?

Ok, anybody ?..didn’t think so ;0)

Nope, I married the not the golden goose! but a priceless treasure that I had been waiting a long time to meet.
This trip has really been a test of the foundation of our marriage and with God as the foundation stone its rock solid, with out him it would be sinking sand as truth be told I,m a man..yup a man with all his issues like any other upright walking Neanderthal on the beach with eyes in his head.

You know one of the wonderful things about Cynthia and moi`s relationship is that we talk about everything. She has my back and I have hers even though we are 3000 miles apart and at times its painful we still know what the other is thinking and the timing of our phone calls are priceless.

I can honestly say we do not have a normal relationship by worldly politically correct standards, although come to think of it I,m most defiantly not normal and don’t all agree at once.

If I was to die right now and believe me I have no intention of leaving the planet just yet, so no premature celebrations please hahaha... but I can honestly say I,m a content man. I have neither riches nor vast property ,but I do have amazing peace in my heart from God. That peace and love are my Moonlight by night and my compass by day and just writing about it fills my heart with love and wonderful appreciation that he would send his son to die for such a misfit like me who has left no stone unturned as he has walked , crawled or ran through this earth.
I,m so incredibly humbled that a God so vast and huge would consider someone like me and even more so send me some one like Cynthia, I,m truly a blessed man.
Cynthia I just want to finish this blog this evening by saying you are the most beautiful woman in my life and Its an honor to be your husband and I promise before God and man That I will continue to love and honor you as long as there is breath in my body with Gods almighty strength!!!

Good Night My Love Sleep well :0)

Good night World


Michael oxoxox

Monday, April 1, 2013

Maui # 23

Ok !so I,m at the Maui DMV with Israel my Hawaiian buddy waiting in line for him to renew his drivers lic.
Anyway as I was standing in line I noticed some Magazines and picked one up to read,actually they were all the same.

The Rag was Called “Maui Vision”it is a guide to natural living with lots of photo`s of Happy Fulfillment lit up people...Right! And Guinness stout makes you healthy wealthy and for some relief from DMV monotony.

So The disclaimer is I,m disconnected from my body for the next 400 words or more to the point I,m well lit ? all right its normal for me , hey just killing time, Bang!!!:0)

So on with how to be Happy!!!Seems real simple right, love your self ,love your neighbor , Henry the big hairy red neck next door, his timid brother lefty and beat the crap out of your enemy, simple Right!

Hey a kid could figure it out, no one really has to tell us what we should have to do, we have this thing taking up space in our head that is better than a super computer and for some crazy unknown reason there are a bunch of village idiot scientists trying to reproduce it, didn’t they get the Memo?

But for those of us that feel we must hug a tree ,climb a mountain to have a deep moment with some old fart that looks like a California raisin, there are the ...drum roll please “MAUI ASCENDED MASTERS”

Sounds Like the sequel to Bruce Lee`s “Enter the Dragon”......Humans and their titles...hey if you want that much attention try skinny dipping in a glass hot tub on the back of a flat bed truck going down the I-5 at rush hour whistling Dixie.

Yes, they call themselves the Ascended Masters of the Universe and I thought we were all equal??

One in particular I would say is about 400 LBS and looks like she should be a Sumo wrestler in a mud wrestling competition at “Dirty Nellies” pub in Dublin.
But she can show you the road to peace for a small fee and if you don’t pay, well she wont have to hire a collections firm, she will just put a lean on your house , physically :0)

I must have read about 10 articles and all claiming they can bring peace into your life,using all sorts of methods, hot rocks, perfumes, oils, tuning forks and yes even the HUMMMMMMMING People and if you don’t pay them you get to meet their lawyers who remove your peace.

Ok ,Ok all you Tree huggers and Green activists relax take a blood pressure pill, I,m just having some fun while I watch people grow old at the DMV pre- retirement party.

Honestly I,m seriously considering standing up and giving a lecture about the first thing that comes into my head.
Now that would truly be living in the moment and give the sleeping security guard “Bob” ( Why are they always called Bob? ) his 15 minutes of fame on the 6 o’clock news. Of course if I stand up in here nobody would see me , hey have you seen how big some of these Local boys are over here, they make Dolly Parton look like a deformed Midget. I would be like those guys in the fa-ca-we tribe in Darkest Deepest Africa in the long tall grass shouting as they jump up and down Yelling

Where The Fak Are We :0(“

Ok, Saved by the bell think its our turn..Thanks for reading this moment in the life of an Irishman at
the DMV in Hawaii surrounded by Boulders from Colorado :0)

Later You nuts oxoxoox

The Big Kahuna :0)


Maui # 22

Minimalist! Cynthia shared this word with me this Am. To my way of thinking its some one that gets by or lives using the bare minimum .
Actually pretty much describes my life style right now and Cynthia`s on yonder busy fast paced crazy rock / the mainland.

I have all my basic needs met shelter, my trusty man cave tent.
Food lots of natural veggies, water and occasionally some wine although in the last 7 weeks probably about 2 bottles. Of Course When the 2 Wisconsin Red Necks Adam and Eve where here they seduced me with their coconut Hawaiian rum thingy but I stayed away from the chemically enhanced Bud-not -wiser. I miss the village Idiots :0(

Talking of the famous Duo Rumor ;0) has it that they shall be returning to these shores as they were unable to cut the bungee cords after their last jump.
I have been told and can testify that it truly is a near impossible task, especially when its attached to your heart although knowing those two it might be some place else ?

Right now I am partaking of my morning coffee,had a 5am chat with Cynthia as she prepared for the mainland rush to the Paradise Hilton In downtown Portland.
Yes, she and Jack Nicholson are looking after the Cuckoo`s nest . I have had many a good story with the Hilton as it origin :0)
By The way “The Shining” was made just up the Mountain from where she works at Mount-hood ski lodge and the “One Flew over the Cuckoo`s” nest 45 miles away in Salem and considering that a lot of Irish and English people immigrated to that area they had no problem finding an original cast of thousands :0)

Oh, yes and my home town in Cork city Ireland has one of the longest buildings in Europe Known as the Redbrick / the Irish Disney Experience , Yes its the local nut house. Yup I come from a long line of highly intelligent beings.

Yesterday Easter sunday I know you know that, but I don’t pay much attention over here as time goes by rather slowly and when every day is summer ( Although the Locals say its winter I think they have been drinking to much Rum Laced Taro ) Then I have a winter Yogi bear Tan, boy when summer gets here I could work as an Internet con man In Nigeria.

Ok ,Yes yesterday I hung out at the beach In “Bob and Kellie Drake-ville” the new name for Kihei with my buddy Andy an Engineer from New york who came here to escape the 5 points rat race. We spent the day having great conversations and swimming surrounded by pale skinned aliens from the outer space planet of North America.

I love to see people from the mainland exploring this great island for the first time and I truly do pray that they have a wonderful experience as a reward for spending their hard earned to get here.

As the sun went down last night the beach was packed. It was like the united nations of sun worshippers, it was a great experience. I tried to Skype cynthia from the beach and most nights it works but last night it failed. However we did have the old cell :0)
Well I,m off to fix a motorcycle for a friend, just had a great prayer time with you lot have a blast doing what ever your doing!!!


ManMonday :0) xoxoxoox