This island is truly the death of me...
The other day I turned to Cynthia, when
she came home from work and said;
“ Hi my name is Michael and I suffer
from depression ... a matter of fact I have suffered from depression
all of my life”.
I think it is very interesting how God
has healed me of so many things like loneliness, that had plagued me
all my life as well as various fears from my childhood, yet my
depression continues to be a daily battle. Those people that go
around proclaiming that Christianity is all joy and prosperity need a
serious chill pill, then they need to come out of the closet by
telling the truth of how they really feel. Don't get me wrong, I
have had some amazing times as a Christian but not because I dumped a
load of hard earned money on some TV preachers lap who was already
swimming in green acres.
If money could truly bring happiness,
then the suicide rate at which some rich people kill themselves at
would be none existent. My heart went out to Robin Williams, I could
so relate to him; he was a guy, who as far as we could all see looked
out for others. For many of us, he was a childhood friend but in the
end he succumbed to a serious bout of depression. I did not know him
personally but I cried when I heard of his untimely death.
Some days I don't want to get out of
bed, but I do, Cynthia needs her coffee :). I can pray for others
and see Jesus set them free from illness and a whole variety of other
things, yet for some reason this hound dog of depression still
follows my scent. Oh how I wish somebody else would blow a horn he
could harken to and pound after.
Some of the the most famous writers
suffered greatly from depression..eg.. Earnest Hemingway. When I
read a Farewell to Arms I was mad at him for killing off a wonderful
romance. Then when I read about his life, it all made sense; like
me, a kid of an alcoholic sabotaging a good romance by throwing a
wrench into a perfectly good engine. The man was never truly happy,
he sought happiness in relationships. I know only too well that's
not where it lies, sure don't get me wrong, I love Cynthia but even
she cannot satisfy all my needs. I genuinely love Jesus more than
life it self and yet He whom I have given my life to has chosen, for
reasons known only to himself and father God, to leave me with this
irritating dilemma. I guess you could say it keeps me coming back to
him for help; ask any of my close fiends, they will tell you I need a
lot of help.
And yet here I am; living in paradise
with the perfect climate and an incredible soul mate, who puts up
with me. To me that's the greatest example of Gods love to someone
like me, giving me someone who loves me unconditionally. Cynthia
deserves the Victoria Cross and the Purple heart.
I'm not looking for sympathy, just
having a rant and hopefully someone who thinks that christians have
it easy, will realize that we go through the same crap; with the
difference that we have hope in Jesus. Any guy that will go through
the most severe torture of suffocation on a cross for an Irish guy
like me, is sure worthy of me standing up and paying attention!
In The words of Robin Williams
“Merry friggin Christmas!”
End.................
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